Not For Children’s Eye’s Part #5 I Love You

My sister Chris who was 6 yrs. older than I shared a big huge bedroom that was slant roofed  we had an accordion door and a window facing the road, she was barely home anymore  since my oldest sister left home to live with her boyfriend.   I would change the room around to my liking every few weeks, when she did come home she’d get pissed off but always forgave me. The people next door had two kids, both my age, I thought unlucky them, they had to practice piano every morning and it seemed whenever I stopped by to see if they would walk to school with me they always had an excuse.  It wasn’t until later I realized why.

I don’t think it was very long after moving in to this house the neighbors knew we were a welfare family and my mum was a boozer and her boyfriend who lived with us was a mean drunk. I think the dead give away was late one night I was woken up by screaming, smashing glass and the red and blue flashing of lights from a police car in the drive way. I think I waited a long while before creeping out of my room, terrified at what I would find, my mother was no where to be found,  and the house was eerily quiet, I had to tip toe and concentrate where to put my stocking feet trying not to step on the broken glass from the front door, the window in it was totally smashed out, there was blood all over the door jam and knob, and you could see sprays of blood spots all over the floor.  As I tiptoed into the kitchen  I automatically smelled the awful aroma of Gin and Vermouth, a heavy nights drinking.  In the kitchen sink I counted 2 or 3 bottles of each turned upside down in an attempt to ” Slay The Dragon”.  I picked up a broom and dustpan and started sweeping up the glass……I don’t remember anything else of that night/day.

A few days later I asked the girl next door if she would like to come over and play, she stood there at the door not knowing what to say, her mother came around the corner and blatantly stated ” Sorry, I can’t allow my daughter to go into your house, please don’t ask her anymore to play with you or  walk to school with you”, the door closed in my face.        That’s OK , I was pretty use to rejection………. at the tender age of 8.

There was one family on the block that had kids older than I, a boy the same age of my oldest brother “14”, his name was Mickey, a real trouble maker, he had a sister named Michelle, she was 12, the same age of my other brother.  Their family was quite prominent in the town, their father owned a big car lot.  Michelle was nice to me, she would talk to me but I guess I became a pest and I saw less and less of her,  her brother on the other hand became my best friend all of the sudden.  Mickey came up to me one evening telling me his sister was at a friends house and had called him to tell him that she was bringing me a bunch of Barbie Dolls with all the fixings and we were to meet her (since it was getting dark) in the woods behind the new High School that was being built  just down the street.  For an 8 year old I had a pretty lax curfew, at that time of the year it was 9:00pm.  I followed Mickey into the tree’s and up a trail, this is where he wanted to wait, I stood with my back against a tree and waited and waited, I kept asking “How long is she suppose to be?” and he would answer ” not long, be patient!”, it must of been another 10 Min’s when he said to me ” come and sit down, it’s a lot more comfortable” I hummed and hawed  then sat down at the bottom of the tree I had been leaning against.  It wasn’t 2 seconds later Mickey was on top of me! I pushed, I pulled, I hit, I yelled but he had me in a tight grip and got one of his hands over my mouth and whispered in my ear ” If you don’t stop moving I’m really going to hurt you!” he then started kissing me on the lips but I kept turning and twisting my head making it almost impossible for him to do so, by this time I started crying and he started whispering in my ear  ” I love you!”  , I felt him struggle with my pants but the zipper was stuck so he undid his pants and pulled out his penis and started dry humping me, I was terrified and didn’t know what was going on, I just knew it wasn’t right and I had to get out of there, he was so involved in what he was doing I was able to push him off me and run…….I ran as fast as I could through the woods and all the way  home.  When I ran into the house I was hoping someone was there but no one was home.  I looked at the clock  it was exactly 9:00pm, I stripped my clothes and through them in the washer, put my  PJ’s on and jumped into bed, I lay there with my head just spinning, trying to make sense of what just happened, but it never made any sense to me and never has, I pulled my blankets up over my head and started to cry, I was afraid, so afraid…….. and so alone……..I cried and cried until I could cry no more, I finally feel asleep.

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