Every time my friend tells me this story I almost fall on the ground for laughing! I believe this is why underwear was invented…. I told my friend I wanted to share his story and he agreed as long as I didn’t use his real name, so here is Hubbies story….oops, I mean this guys story. (well, Hubby isn’t his real name, so I’ve kept my promise right??). I’ll use Lil’hub as his name in the story.
Well it all started back in the early 60’s, Lil’ hub was about 5-6 yrs old, fire orange hair and covered with freckles to the point his mother would take a scrub brush to his chubby little butt till he almost bleed, while all the time he’d be yell’n ” Stop! them are freckles Ma!!”. He had a younger brother (11 months younger,Irish twins they’re called) who used to stand in the middle of the street playing banjo with the snot hanging out of his nose until the neighbor lady (Mrs.Temple) would call and tell Ma what her son was up too. They also had an older sister (10yrs older then both boys) she was into spending 3 hrs in the bathroom doing her hair and dating boys already. Ma loved to play Bingo and Pa was either off working in the woods or at the bar. So this summer’s eve (no not the Douche), but a real summers eve Pa was off working, sis was out on a date and Ma was at Bingo, so the neighborhood babysitter was called in. Her name was Shirley Temple (no not the famous one), Shirley was about 13 and basically just sat watching the boob tube that evening. Lil’ hub knew the routine as all little kids do, have a bath and get into your jammies but it was such a nice evening he decide to just slip into his jean shorts and go play for a wee bit before bed.
The trouble all started when he slipped into his old jean shorts, you know the kind back then, big gold fanged teeth zippers that last forever? Well, if you didn’t, you know now! Poor Lil’hub still freshly washed and skin so soft jumped into these shorts for some reason unbeknown to anyone but himself why he didn’t put on fresh undies, he reached down and started to zip up……..it stopped less then half way, he felt an overwhelming pain coming from his poor little soft willy whacker he screamed! The only person who came running to help was babysitter Shirley Temple, At first she didn’t know what to do but instincts took over and she reached down and pulled on the zipper’s tab,well, it just made Lil’hub scream more! She was at a lost so all she could do was call her mom. By the time Mrs. Temple showed up poor Lil’hub was laying on his bed in agony, she of course went up to him and tried giving the zipper a good tug in both way’s, up and down, all it did was cause Lil’hubby to scream and scream in agony! So off to the phone she went, calling every mother she knew on the street! By this time there was at least 8 women surrounding Lil’hub’s bed and they had a pair of scissors and decided to cut off the shorts and just leave the zipper. Poor Lil’hub laying there with nothing but the skeleton of his shorts cut away and surrounded by all these strange women who just couldn’t figure out what to do! Just then, in walked Ma, someone had called her at the Bingo hall and told her to come home because of an emergency.
Poor Lil’hub laying there naked, felling so degraded and embarrassed felt a bit of hope when he heard his mom was on the way and when she walked into the room all the women cleared a path to let her get to the bed, she walked over and looked at Lil’hub and just shook her head, reached down and in one swift motion ripped off the zipper! Screaming and blood scared most of the women home, poor Lil’ hubbies little willy whacker was bleeding like crazy and he was doubled over in pain. It wasn’t until the next day he was taken to the doctor, and when he saw the wound he shook his head. The zipper wound was on the underside of his willy whacker, the ripping off actually toar into the little sperm tube making him permanently sterile. Gee Thanks Ma!
For years the girls wouldn’t believe him he couldn’t get them pregnant, and it was always “Want to See my Scar??”
So there you have it…..Why you (Men) should always wear underwear unless your wearing straight Spandex!!
………and why we don’t have kids!