“The Dirty” of Chronic Pain..Addiction

Being a person who suffers with Chronic Nerve Pain it has ruled my life for the last …um..well since June 1999, I can’t count that high today so for as many years that has been. I’ve been faced with many heath issues and finally decided to quit taking the noxious drug that just killed a friends sister after years of use. But this time I decided to withdrawal slowly on a 13 wk plan with my new doctor

I have been on every pain killer produced and had no relief, so for the last resort my doctor put me on Methadone, I think that was about 3 yrs. after surgery and countless spinal  steroid shots later. I was started on a low dose of the disgusting  Tang  flavored juice, but to no avail it wasn’t helping so he upped my dose to a strength that could kill an elephant! I was taking 75ml- 3 times a day! Not even a Heroin addict gets that much! It just made me slur my words, forget almost everything and fall asleep with lite cigarettes in my hand and  then I’d argue with my hubby that I only closed my eyes for a second. That didn’t go over well!  So all by myself I reduced my intake to 25ml  3- times a day, I did that around 2004.  It was Hell, but i did it but I wasn’t happy or pain free, I baked pies and sat and ate them all to my self, I was eating  a 4 l bucket of ice-cream ( a gallon for you in the States) every few days and my allergies to Dairy,Soy, Cinnamon, Citrus and a few more where taking a toll! Oh did I also tell you Methadone makes your crave sweets?? I’m 5’11 and was weighing in over 200lbs. NOT GOOD! When I was younger I was Model Material! You wouldn’t think that now! I had one guy say to me ” you where my tall blonde fantasy girl, what the hell happened??” Boy it hurt! Your an  Asshole Mitch!

As many others with Chronic Pain I became a recluse, my hubby would go and do all the shopping (as long as I wrote the lists) my friends stopped calling, and those that saw me didn’t want anything to do with me. It was (and still is)  a very frustrating and a lonely life. My friends are here on the screen of my computer and every once and a while I get out side to snap a photo or two (thanks to my neighbor who gave me his old camera a few years ago  and my brothers wife who gave me an even better camera last year) they said I have a knack at snapping good photo’s. I am very proud of that and I thank you all for your ongoing support! 🙂

So I was switched to Methadose a few years ago, it is 10 time stronger then that other  “Tang”crap I got, I had to get hubby to help me bring it home, I had like 2 big gallon jugs of it, but now it’s just a little bottle of disgusting cherry flavored syrup. I weaned down to  .1ml = 1 ml , so right now I haven’t had any for going on 3 days! Boy do I feel like shit! The worst flu symptoms in the world, and I have barely slept in these 3 days,  I almost changed my mind! but I did some research and decided I’m better off off the crap! I actually got a 2 hr. nap today which I woke to electric cells screaming through my legs and knee’s but I decided to push on and do the dish’s, tried to fix the hatch back opening on our car, it refuses to open, I was victorious and did open it but as soon as I closed it the Frigg’n thing wouldn’t open again !! so after 1 hr. I got  so mad and kicked the car and gave up! I took my old blind dog for a short walk around the ball field and came home and vacuumed! Now my Frigg’n back is killing me! So I basically wear an ice pack in my pants, so  if you notice I’m packing a load, “No I didn’t crap myself! !!”

I look forward to sleeping a whole night without the aches and pains of withdrawal and those obnoxious yawns and the no energy and a life without methadone! Thank you all for putting up with me the last few weeks!

((Hugs)), Ladybuggz or as some know me T.

 

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