You, Me And An Al Bundy Holiday

Originally  Published  2 yrs. ago, My first real attempt at writing…

Hey! I said with surprise, “I thought you were going to vacuum for me? what the hell are you doing?” I asked my hubby ” I’m sitting here watching TV because it’s my “Al Bundy” holiday, So Don’t Bug Me!” I couldn’t help but laugh seeing him sitting there with his hand in his pants,  what would happen if I just sat here in my chair and did nothing?? My little speech did nothing to motivate so I continued on… “I never get to do that… the dog wouldn’t get fed, the bird would scream all day driving you nuts, and for the last time…you can’t live on Bologna sandwiches, you have to eat vegetables! I’m telling ya you do!” Well, if looks could kill ” No I don’t !” he spits out, I get an extra look thrown my way that definitely said ” F.U.”. I retorted ” Ya you do! Oh, Ya you do,! If you want to be constipated and have no clean dishes to eat off of since you refuse to buy me a Dishwasher!” That got his goat, I could see his ears twitching now so I kept going….” and when I bitch about it, you come home with a pair of rubber gloves for me!  His only come back was” Your a Jack Ass” he said, ” Go do what ever it is you do on that  computer”.  Then 5 minutes later he’s calling me out from my office whispering “you got to see this, as he points out side just below the plum tree, it was that damn big Orange/Brown/Black spider, the size of a Twoonie ( $2.00 Canadian Coin )  it moved it’s web way lower, right where a person of average height could walk right into it, face first!  Yikes! that spider creeps me out!  He turns his face slightly sideways and looks over his glasses and eerily says ” I knew it would”, then he chuckles!

I hear my name being called, over and over again,he was sounding all buddy buddy but with a hint of Sylvester the Putty Tat, I look down the hall and see he’s back in his Vacation spot, once he knows I’m listening  he says…..”Hey Louise!” (he calls me by my middle name) “Why don’t you braid my beard in tons of little braids,?” I looked at him like he was on drugs, (for the record he probably was!) ” No !”I answered, that would look just plain stupid, “No it won’t!” he says seriously, “Ya it will, you’ll look like a degenerate, a street person who never bathes!  just keep it in the neat ponytail like you have it now!”, “No” he pouts, then says ” I think I’ll cut it all off, like Mr. clean”,” No don’t! I said in a terrified voice, you can’t, you shouldn’t, you have no chin, the beard makes you look like you have a chin! “then he says to me…” Well,what about if you get your hair cut off,? how about if you shave your head??  I look at him with a scowl “Oh, for Pete’s sake, I’m not going to shave my head!” I say with disgust! “Why not? he says, you have a great round head, that’s why toques slide off your head and you can’t keep them on!” “Don’t you think I know what kind of head I have??” I spit out at him, He doesn’t say much after that, He goes back into his Al Bundy Holiday on the couch, watching his old Black & White War movies, and I go back to my office to do whatever it is I do on my computer!

 

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2 thoughts on “You, Me And An Al Bundy Holiday

Live,Love,Laugh, and eat lots of icecream!

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