911..how may I help you?? I need the Police! and what seems to be the problem?? There’s a lady with a shovel that just broke into my neighbors house, send the Police Please !! OK, I’ll dispatch you through……… RCMP, how may I help you? A lady with a shovel just broke into my neighbors house.. A what? A Lady, She had a Shovel and was talking about finding dead people inside, she broke in using a plastic lawn chair on a door window…..Are you sure she doesn’t live there?? Yes! I’m sure! She smashed in the kitchen door window with a plastic lawn chair….. OK , Whats your address? I live at # 443 Bordeaux St., the same street the Police Station is on, I’m 2.5 blocks from the Police Station! Mame? whats your neighbors address? Ah I think it’s….#.448 Maltin St., It’s a big fancy brown and white house with a big chimney, OK Mame, stay on the line and tell me when you see a police car, OH?, OK, I see a police car….he just drove right past …..have him turn around, I’m actually on a back lot of Maltin St. it’s a brown duplex, I’m on the right side of the duplex, but my address is Bordeaux St…I’m in the alley between Frank St. and the train tracks, turn left directly on top of the tracks then turn left and it’s your first right, if they go as far as Alberta St. they’ve gone too far, OK Mame, I’ll let them know.., Finally I see a Police Car….driving past again….then one turning into the alley, but the idiot turns right, driving up the alley, back towards the Police Station!! This happens about 5 times, they were just going around in circles! I couldn’t understand when the directions are so simple!!
At this point I was getting really frustrated, Shovel Lady was running rampant in my neighbors big fancy house, I’m 2.5 blocks from the Police Station, on the same street! They haven’t a clue about this alley, I’d hate to see if this was a life and death situation, or maybe it is! how long would it take them to find this place if I wasn’t giving instructions? The guy who delivers our pizza knows how to find our place and so does the Chinese food guy! You’d think the Police would know all the roads and alleys, I finally tell the lady on the phone “I have to go outside and wave my arms around because these cops are brain dead” I really didn’t say that but I think she was just as frustrated as I was, So she says “OK, I’ll let them know they are to look for you…what do you look like??” Well, I’m about 5’10, 175lbs, long blonde hair and I’ll have a puppy under my arm, and I’m wearing red! OK Mame! I’ll let them know, good luck!
So there I was, standing in the middle of my yard with my pup under one arm and waving frantically with my other, trying to catch the eye of the cops. Finally a cop car pulls up at the bottom of my driveway, I quietly as possible pointed him to the house next door and gave him a quick play by play, he then thanked me, got on his radio and directed the other disorientated police men.
Now that the RCMP had risen to the challenge it was time for me to call my neighbor at his place of employment, his secretary answered the phone and told me “Ted is unavailable, may I take a message?” so off I went again telling the whole story, and at the end of it she said ” Is this a Joke?? No! I said, this is his neighbor and the police are at his house now! ” Oh!, OK, I’ll let him know right away”. click. She hung up.
So I was back outside, it had been about 15-20 minutes now, or it seemed that long since the lady with the shovel got into his house, it was surrounded with police and I finally felt a twinge of security. I picked up my dog who was getting pretty hard to control because of all the excitement and his picking up on my energy so I found the highest point in my yard out of the way where I had an overall view over the 6 ft. fence into my neighbors yard, I had bent over to adjust my hold on my dog when out of the corner of my right eye I saw the hedge that divide’s the property behind us began to violently shake, appearing from the branches tumbled a disheveled short version of Sylvester Stallone, but wearing an RCMP uniform. He was a bit late for the party and obviously didn’t listen to the description of the suspect as he came bounding towards me, one hand at his holster and the other holding a billy club, ready to pounce, I threw my arms up and as puppy went flying he landed at the cops feet, I yelled “No! it’s not me!, it’s that house right over there, I pointed over the fence! My pup running up to this armed maniac wagging his tail in friendship, “not know pup!” I yelled as the cop went running back to where he came from. I was shaking now!, almost knocked to the ground by an over enthusiastic young cop. Yikes!
As I turned back to watch the show, 4 cop’s came out of the basement with the Shovel Lady handcuffed between them, no shovel insight! I never heard any screaming or yelling but I did notice my neighbor running back and forth in his garden looking like he was chasing butterflies. My curiosity finally got to me, I put pup in the house and went to see what it was he was doing and to maybe lend a hand, The Shovel Lady had been busy inside his house, she opened his wife’s canary cages and let the birds go free, all 5, thankfully they had their wings clipped and were in the garden hiding under the shrubs, he was just running around trying to catch them. He told me all she did was gotten a glass of water and let the birds out, she left her shovel in the kitchen, then went down to the basement found a comfortable chair and that was where they found her, sitting quietly.
They weren’t pressing charges, but they were taking her to the hospital for mental evaluation.
When hubby got home he just had to tell me what he saw as he was walking down the street to catch the bus that morning, he saw a lady with a shovel mumbling away to herself walking up the street heading to Maltin St., I told him I had a story to top it off 10 fold and it all started with the same ” Shovel Lady”.